The five dolls are: The Guardian, The Scapegoat, Loving Kindness, The Talisman and The Inner Healer. This is a message sent to one of the online Medicine Doll classes I taught several years ago. It was written by Carmel Glover from Australia.
What an amazing process this was! Full of insights and shifts. Putting it all together in coherent fashion may be difficult, but here goes. My apologies for the length ... but there seems no way of shortening it while still retaining the sense.
An introductory note
A couple of weeks ago, a `heart problem' emerged. My heart began skipping beats frequently (very unnerving), and my blood pressure has been high (which is very unusual for me). Doctors don't seem to think it's dangerous, but I've been undergoing numbers of tests. What is truly amazing is that, in the weeks before my heart problem revealed itself, there were innumerable references to the heart in my dreams, in books I bought or borrowed, in things others said to me, and in books recommended by Barb, e.g. `Writing from the Heart'. In one of my dreams I received the message that I was blocking my creativity, and if I kept this up my body would suffer. I was very aware of how I was resisting doing my artwork, and how I was allowing other things and people to take precedence.
It is also worth reporting an astounding piece of synchronicity. Barb had picked up a book called `Golden' a reworking of the Rapunzel story. The sorceress in the story (a wise woman) was called Melisande ... the name I use for my `alter ego'/guardian. Not surprisingly, this book was FULL of references to the heart.
Here are some of my musings which resulted from the course exercises:
All my life, I've wanted SOMETHING MORE! Something SPECIAL and adventurous. I've been unable to get this unable to get this because all my past baggage is in my way AND I've taken on the baggage of others (this shows up frequently in my dreams).
My scapegoat doll must carry all my baggage for me. But THE SCAPEGOAT ITSELF IS INNOCENT. I always felt sorry for that goat in the bible, driven out into the desert, carrying the sins of the people. Of course, Jesus is the ultimate scapegoat - crucified for the sins of the world (I never really saw the sense in that, especially as humans continue to suffer for their sins).
Don't we do this all the time - blame someone else and make them suffer for OUR sins/shortcomings?
Although, consciously, I've accepted for many, many years that we are responsible for our own lives, nevertheless I've continued to feel shackled by past conditioning and probably
The scapegoat doll is a symbol - a way of unburdening myself onto something `safe' that I cannot hurt. It will carry away all the things that have been blocking me and causing distress in my body. But because IT is innocent (like the goat and like Jesus) I will feel sorry for it. I will not want it to be ugly as well as burdened. I will want to love it for what it is doing for me.
I went for a walk in the bush a month ago at the time I thought we were supposed to be starting the scapegoat doll instead of the guardian. I asked for clues to inspire me with the scapegoat. I took a number of photos, but nothing relevant seemed to jump out at me at first. Or so it seemed at the time. I found myself admiring the lantana, which came in many colours.
Then it occurred to me that we Australians have made a scapegoat of things like lantana. We introduced lantana to this country as a garden flower, set it free to take over the bush, then called it a noxious weed and set about eradicating it (with little success). We blame the lantana for OUR sin of bringing it here in the first place. Similarly ... rabbits and cats.
NOTE: After I'd finished my Scapegoat doll, I looked back at the photos I'd taken on the nature walk and was AMAZED that I had missed the `natural' scapegoat image ... the `figure' wrapped in cobweb strands.
A fairly clear idea began to emerge of what I wanted my doll to be like. The image in my mind was of a lumpy doll, with crying face, carrying a bag full of my `sins' (blocks, flaws, negative emotions etc.), with a number of these written over her clothing. My original intention was to have a cross around her neck (to represent Scapegoat Jesus), and a bunch of lantana in her hands. In the end these didn't seem to fit. I wanted her to be huggable, but not `beautiful’ at least not in the conventional sense.
I used a simple pattern from `Cloth, Paper, Scissors' for the doll. A crying face from my `ugly doll' experiment became the face (printed onto an iron-on transfer then put onto fabric).
Because of all that had happened in the interim, it was essential to attach a heart (this has now become a personal symbol ... I guess all my healing dolls will need to show a heart). The heart, cut from felt, is pierced with pins, which attach it to the body. Instead of the intended crucifix around the neck, she is attached to a crude cross made of sticks. I've named her `Resistance' ... inspired by comments from Barb. All those things I put in the bag are what I use as resistance to doing my creative work.
too many options; other priorities; Sudoku addiction; health issues; computer stuff; need more info; need more skills; need to read books; I'm too old; I'm too tired; don't like promoting myself; nobody will buy at the price I need to sell; don't know where to sell; too many materials to choose from; too many techniques to try; too much thinking; no passion; no motivation; no energy; too much clutter; past conditioning; the good girl; the
I also put into the bag people I've used as my Scapegoat - A Catholic sister at a school (a particularly cruel nun at primary school); members of my family, particularly my father; various bosses; artists who are particularly skilled (ie "I can't be as good as them")
After a while, I'll have a ritual of burning the contents of the bag, but every time I find myself resisting 'doing my work' I'll pop the culprit in the bag again.
I'm not sure what to do with the doll now. I don't want it in a position where I can see it all the time ... it needs to be sent `out into the wilderness' like the biblical scapegoat. I considered hanging it out amongst the trees, but interestingly my husband didn't want it to be destroyed by the elements. Perhaps I could make a weatherproof shrine or
something so that it's outside, but not `suffering' too much. I HAVE come to love it you see. For the moment, until I decide on its fate, I'll hang it on a little front verandah. Thus it will be nearby, but out of sight.
Of course, the Scapegoat doll is really `me' isn't it - the me I've weighed down with an impossible burden, and then criticized because I've been unable to `perform'.
The Talisman doll, I daresay, will have to be the `me' which has shed the load.
Go Here https://melisanda.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/the-arrival-of-the-healing-doll/
To read about a healing paper doll Barb created for as Carmel was having a healing crisis.